Helpful Reading for Rowan County Residents Coping with Loss

Conflicting demands on your heart, time, and energy can make it hard to care for an aging relative. If this sounds familiar, you could benefit from the services of a care manager. A care manager provides relief. They work with you and your family member to develop a realistic care plan. The goal of the plan is to maximize your loved one's independence, safety, and quality of life. A solid care plan addresses family resources. This includes making sure you are not called upon to do more than you are able.

Once an advance directive for healthcare is complete, most of us want to set it aside as "DONE." But circumstances, priorities, and preferences all change with time. Consider a review and an update with any of these life events:

When you read about "successful aging," the focus is often how well an elder has maintained physical health. How mentally sharp he or she has remained. How much he or she has stayed socially engaged. Without doubt, studies link seniors' quality of life with physical, mental, and social activity. But what happens when your loved one loses the ability to pursue physical exercise? When social options are limited by lack of transportation? When memory problems make it harder to engage with favorite hobbies or interests?

Deciding what holiday gifts to give a person with memory loss can be challenging. Following are some tips to share with family members. The gift of time: A special date to share cookies and send holiday cards to others A time to share and wrap gifts (before the rush) Attending seasonal music events or caroling together A person with early-stage memory loss is often still striving to do his or her usual activities. Gifts that provide reminder systems or simplify daily tasks are useful.

If you are caring for a parent or parents who abused or neglected you in childhood, your situation is especially challenging. You may feel on an emotional tightrope, trying to keep your balance, with many conflicting feelings. For example,

The person who is ill may have very clear thoughts about what he or she wants in terms of care at the end of life, but family members may not agree. This situation can make things very difficult for the professionals involved. They are legally and ethically bound to follow the patient's wishes. If all the paperwork is complete and available, then there is no question about what will be done.

Aging brings with it many losses. Some seniors feel enraged by these changes, and others are terrified by the lack of control. Sadly, when people feel backed into a corner, they often "let fly" with the safest person: the caregiving family member. If spending time with your relative leaves you feeling worthless, picked on, or controlled, that’s cause for concern. And action. In the extreme, your relative’s angry or controlling behavior may constitute emotional abuse:

In the context of serious illness, one's greatest fear is that the condition will be fatal. Feelings of hopelessness are common-and a life without hope is grim indeed. The challenge of terminal illness is to learn to live with dying, to find purpose and meaning even in the face of a limited future. Without purpose, you risk the death of emotions while you are still alive. Even if a condition is incurable, it is possible to have hope. It's simply that your definition of hope must change.

Make sure your loved one is ready to “take the heat” this summer. Older bodies are less able to cope with excessive heat, so it’s important to ensure safeguards are in place. Check in with your relative’s doctor. Certain chronic conditions and medications increase an older adult’s risk of heat stroke. Get advice on optimal fluid intake and medication management for times of extreme heat.

Sometimes the best way to care for your loved one is to take an extended break and recharge your batteries. Plan well in advance for care. Options to consider: