Helpful Reading for Stokes County Residents Coping with Loss

When you read about "successful aging," the focus is often how well an elder has maintained physical health. How mentally sharp he or she has remained. How much he or she has stayed socially engaged. Without doubt, studies link seniors' quality of life with physical, mental, and social activity. But what happens when your loved one loses the ability to pursue physical exercise? When social options are limited by lack of transportation? When memory problems make it harder to engage with favorite hobbies or interests?

Deciding what holiday gifts to give a person with memory loss can be challenging. Following are some tips to share with family members. The gift of time: A special date to share cookies and send holiday cards to others A time to share and wrap gifts (before the rush) Attending seasonal music events or caroling together A person with early-stage memory loss is often still striving to do his or her usual activities. Gifts that provide reminder systems or simplify daily tasks are useful.

If you are caring for a parent or parents who abused or neglected you in childhood, your situation is especially challenging. You may feel on an emotional tightrope, trying to keep your balance, with many conflicting feelings. For example,

As a family caregiver, you probably hold yourself to a very high standard. You expect yourself to react with kindness and patience at all times, no matter how unpleasant or inconvenient the task. Compassionate caring is a high ideal for family caregivers. But some days are admittedly better than others. And then comes the self-criticism and guilt!

In the context of serious illness, one's greatest fear is that the condition will be fatal. Feelings of hopelessness are common-and a life without hope is grim indeed. The challenge of terminal illness is to learn to live with dying, to find purpose and meaning even in the face of a limited future. Without purpose, you risk the death of emotions while you are still alive. Even if a condition is incurable, it is possible to have hope. It's simply that your definition of hope must change.

For help with this important conversation, the Living Will and Health Care Power of Attorney, contact the Community Partnership for End of Life Care. Advance directives are legal documents that specify your health care wishes if you are unable to speak for yourself. Each state has its own approved form. Most forms describe several options for end-of-life care and can be used to provide any additional instructions a person may want to include. You may change your advance directive whenever you choose.

Worry is useful when it calls us to action. But it's a problem when it becomes an ongoing state of mind. It can become a habit, bringing tension and stress. If you're a worrier, you may have mixed feelings. It may seem that worry keeps you on your toes; yet it makes you edgy and distracted, interfering with your sleep and peace of mind. Relieving the stress of worry doesn't mean you have to stop worrying. Here are some strategies to harness the positives of worry and keep the rest in balance:

Depression in older adults is very common. It is also very treatable. If you suspect depression, the first step is to have your relative talk with a medical professional. He or she can check for other health conditions. You want to get an exact diagnosis. Studies show that 60% to 80% of older adults who receive appropriate treatment for depression do feel better. Antidepressant medication is the most common approach. Things to know about antidepressants:

As we face our mortality, whether death is in fact weeks or decades away, we inevitably come up with questions about life's mysteries: Is there meaning to life? What is the point if we are ultimately going to die? Do we simply vanish when we die, or is there an afterlife? Is there a Being, Existence, or Force that is larger than ourselves? Will we be judged for how we have lived? Why have we been given the conditions we've been given? If we are in pain, why are we suffering? If we know we are dying, what reason is there for hope?

Here's a new prescription for pain relief: the sound of music. Pain is very real. It is also a perception. How strongly we feel pain at any given time depends a good deal on our thoughts and mood. Music has a profound influence on both. Indeed, research shows that using music as therapy can reduce the experience of pain.